Post by cabooseman on Jan 5, 2012 12:26:04 GMT -6
2 am Sunday morning and I'm up looking for mylanta or rolaids or anything to ease this Mexican two-step with heartburn and sour stomache from satisfying my addiction to Mexican food Saturday evening. Although I don't have my hand on the bible, I raise my hand and swear to God that I will never again eat enchiladas with chili, jalapenos and onions just before bedtime. This can be deadly as this little story indicates.
>The coroner walked among the marble slabs, checking the tags on the big
>toes sticking out from under the sheets. His assistant, Rigor, moved along
>a few steps behind.
>The coroner stopped at one slab."No. 1445." he read.
>Rigor looked at his clipboard. "Beanbag, Edmund J. Age 34."
>"Cause of death?"
>"The wednesdayspecial, El Obeseo, Five enchiladas, rice and beans,
> guacamole, with tortillas."
> "Might as well ask Dr Kevorkian if he makes house calls." sighed the
>coroner, moving on, he stopped again."Who's no 456? Nice looking
>woman seemingly in perfect health."
> "Cumquat, Mildred D. Age 24."
>"So young, Cause?"
>"Nachos Los Colesterolo twice a week, plus beef tacos, chiles rellenos
> and a basket of corn chips."
> The coroner dropped the tag. "They know the dangers of eating all of that
>especially at more than one restaurant. Why oh, why, don't people practice
>safe Mex?"
> Rigor looked at his clipboard again. "Here's one who did. No 994
>Silo, Angus T. Age 40. Says here he always used a condom when
>ordering the Plata de Fatta."
> "Excellent, So how did he die?"
> "He choked to death."
>The coroner moved down the aisles, speaking almost to himself
>"We warned them of Italian food, of Chinese food. We told the public
>about the dangers of putting butter on their popcorn at the movies
>did they listen? No."
>Rigor nodded in agreement. "We banned ads for liquor, coffee ,chlorinated
>toothpaste and most Sally Fields movies." the coroner lamented. "And
>saccharine. Now that was one."
> Nodding again. Rigor recalled. "Laboratory mice fed nothing but saccharine
>for three years often developed cancer, not to mention a distinct distaste for
>saccharine."
> "Then theres were the warnings we put on spinach," said the coroner.
>"Hazardous to your health." Remember how hard it was to stamp leaves?
>Still they died."
> "Although to be fair," said Rigor. "We had to change our policy when we
>discovered it was the ink in the warning that was poisoning everyone."
> "Dying is a small price to pay for good health." said the coroner.
>"Here's an interesting one, said Rigor, "No 9905"
>"How so?"
> "Path, Primrose P. Age 28. She was into the heavy stuff-- beef chimichangas,
>quesadilla. Says here she mainlined burritos."
> "If only we could cut this out at the source." said the coroner, pulling back
>the sheet. "But interdiction hasn't worked. Down at the port they're using
>fajitas-sniffing dogs. I hear they've offered farmers in Sonora subsidies if
>they'll stop raising maiz and turn to something less lethal, like poppies."
> The coroner walked over to the last slab. "And this is..?
>"Mudhen, Mordrid M. Age 22. Ate nothing but yogert and bean sprouts, chased
>by distilled water. Excercised daily, never smoked or drank and was a virgin
>at death. Got no closer to Tex-Mex food than once mistakingly tuning in to
>Austin City Limits, which he thought was about urban annexation."
> "What did he die of?"
>"Boredom."
>